Needing some guidance...

[Accuray]

Definitely leave it -- give space. He doesn't need to understand your revelations as they happen. Let them batch up.

I feel like I already have done the damage. I already made him change his mind. Instead of him knowing that he wants to be with me, he's now trying to decide which one of us to go with.

You have not done any damage, you did not "make" him change his mind. You correctly figured out that he was still on the fence and you tried to push him to get off it. You're not changing how he's thinking, only he can do that.

There are generally two ways of teaching someone something new. One is that you just tell them, which is the easy way, and the second is that you ask them leading questions so that they figure it out for themselves. It is the second method that generally leads people to internalize the lesson and own it as their own. I'm not suggesting you do this with H -- the point I'm making is that if you let him figure out things on his own, you'll feel much better about the outcome. Give him space, focus on you. Have faith that you hold value to him, and the more space you give, the more that will become apparent. Don't point anything out to him, let him find it for himself.

One other thing I can offer from the perspective of someone who's 8 months or so ahead of you in all this -- his reasons for wanting to reconcile are very important to you now, because you feel unsafe in the relationship and you don't want to be left again. Therefore you're looking for hard assurance from him before you feel good about making yourself vulnerable. Here's what I can share with you -- the landscape in 6 months will be completely different than it is now, so his reasons for wanting to reconcile now will no longer matter. If you decide to go forward together, you're both doing it with an awakened sense of the effort you need to contribute and what you need to work on and why. If you do your part well, you'll KNOW there is value here for H, and there will therefore be no reason to worry about him leaving. You will create an environment where there is simply no room for someone else. At that point, you won't care at all why H made the decision he did 6 months ago -- you're both here *now* and you're happy. Alternately, if you feel good about your contribution, but H isn't stepping up, then you can decide to leave knowing that the issues are no longer yours, you will KNOW you're the best wife you can be, and once again, H's reconciliation reason won't matter.

Getting back together with him is definitely taking a chance, you are taking a risk that it won't work out. Please realize that he can do nothing right now to assure you of success, he's not capable of giving that feeling to you. You both have to earn that comfort by working together.

I keep saying it, and I know it's hard to accept / understand, but it really does all come back to you and how you feel about yourself. That's what you need to work on, almost exclusively. If you do that well, everything else will fall into place for you.

Accuray