I really hope that I can see myself through this. Some days I feel stronger than other days, and I'm so glad I can just write everything out here instead of sending umpteen emails to my H. I think I will read DB again for extra support today.
So today I am having a slightly shakey day. There has been very little contact between my H and I since Monday - just kind of cold stuff coming from him. My brother was in hospital yesterday and that was pretty tough. He's going to be ok in the end. I texted my H and he was just a bit flippant about it - which caught me 'off guard'. I didn't respond to his flippancy.
So, I'm a bit concerned because early in this process (before DB) I cut myself off from my H in many ways - to guard myself from confusion and hurt. A part of me is just wanting to forget about it all because I feel I have made too many mistakes and I'm not sure I will succeed in the end. Is there too much water under the bridge? I also worry that by the time everything is said and done, I will be so exhausted and exasperated. I worry that my H is turning into someone I no longer know.
I want to pull back and backtrack so I worry it might not see the my H in my future. This is me right now - loaded with doubt. Thanks for listening.
