Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry

[NLW]

Hi HiWA,

So sorry that you are feeling down. I've been there too, and I know how hard its is.

Please believe that it does get better.

Something that really helped me was reading 'Co-dependent No More'. I'd suggest strongly that you have a look at this book.

My thoughts are with you.

You are not alone. You will get through this.

NLW

[BFloat]

((((( ))))) I am in point Roberts right now so can't write a long post. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone!

Try to do something for yourself right now. Hang in there. You are a person only a fool could leave right? Try to focus on how that looks. Will check back later.

[hopeless in wa]

Thanks NLW and BF. Just had some good news. I contacted a divorce cpa to consult. At first he said $1200, I emailed back, I'm retired, fixed income, just need a one time thing. He emailed back, saying because I was upfront about my needs he will do it pro-bono. Somehow the universe is smiling at me today!

[BFloat]

happy news about the lawyer!

i know how you feel about the possible influence of friends. my H has all single friends and they have no responsibilities except to themselves. must seem like a nice life.

but the reality.. we can't control who influences them and who does not. we can only control our own choices.

i'm going to try those slider pads tomorrow and attempt to move the couch! i'll let you know if they work. lol

[hopeless in wa]

Hi, I just spent hours reading netmaster threads? Trying to learn from everyones stories. When I got back I see you posted, I always go, Barely! You feel like such a friend to me and I thank you. That rant about his friend, well I just was thinking after talking to H. about l. and the advise his friend gave and it got me to thinking. I'm at the point I know I have no control over anything concerning H.

I had an interesting chat with my d. bf dad tonite. They are very concerned my h. isn't trying to get anything by me in settlement. He's a cynical old irish man, his words. Practically the first thing he said was, you need to DETACH! Cracked me up inside! He was giving good advise. He was saying the feelings I have now about h. won't matter a whit after the d. Look out for yourself now. It's your future. I have always trusted h., but he's right, have to look out for myself for future. So glad I'm getting some financial expertise. I don't think h. is trying to screw me, but he's not an expert and I need to make sure his calculations are fair. Kind of dreading appt. too much math! Anyway, I hope this will answer some questions. Or it will open a whole can of worms with H. But h. is gone and I have to look out for my future. It's hard to db when you may have to p. them off. This whole thing suxs.

How you doing? and do let me know how slidy things work. O btw, when you said you you at Pt. Roberts, my H. and I often went to Semiyamhoo to eat and we could see White Rock and I think Pt. Roberts. Take care.

[labug]

How long have you been married?

What kind of pension does he have?

[hopeless in wa]

17 years. He has and IRA, which he is getting a lot of because he came into marriage with it. WA community property state.

[hopeless in wa]

Jeez, this stuff is never simple! Saw a divorce financial planner. He said my h. didn't compute something right about his retirement. I means 26K in my favor. Also guy rec. I get 4 more years of spousal support. Told h. he's not too happy with this (me). Anyway he said his lawyer said he was computing it right. Waiting to hear from f. planner about what he said. I hope we can work this out before it gets messy. So will have to wait till Monday to hear back. Going to try not to think about and stay busy packing.

[BFloat]

good plan. and if it becomes difficult to discuss w/ H, then you can always have him speak directly to the lawyer. in the meantime.. how's the packing? my living room is a mess! moved my couch and dining table.. but need to figure out figure out the moving of the tv. hmmmm...

have you tried counselling? or is that a no go w/ H?

[hopeless in wa]

hi, yep, that what she is there for. Packing is horrible, My whole house looks like a bomb went off! As for moving tv, so many wires. He absolutely will not go to counseling. This whole thing is over for him and me. Makes db'ing hard. Especially when contact is so minimal. Just doing a day at a time and hope for the best.