DBing while settling finances

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you 25. I am using some of the words above as a mantra today, "I am responsible for my own happiness. I can not control anyone else, I can only control how I respond to them."

Dark as these days have been, they have also been a time of growth (funny how that goes together.)


Boy I hear you there. I wish we could "learn life lessons" from winning the lottery...

alas it seems the way to real growth or meaningful lasting change, is usually accompanied by a lousy event.


I have been reading a great deal of Buddhist philosophy. One of my favorites in Pema Chodron and this is a quote of hers that I cherish now,

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön

I like that^^ too. You might also like "The Power of Now". I actually preferred the audio version which is weird. But his voice is so soothing...then again, don't listen to it while driving b/c you could nod off.


I went through some loss in my 20's (both parents died within a year of each other) and after that I moved cross country and isolated myself by throwing myself into my career as a way to avoid caring for anyone and taking the risk of more loss. This situation has awakened that fear and I am starting to realize how it still holds me back from loving myself, others and my life more fully.

wow that is a big amount of loss. Do you have siblings? Are you seeing a T to deal with this^^? And while I can see the connection between moving away (geographic cure and "starting fresh")

I'm not clear on the avoidance of love/connection to their deaths or your move. So You do love your spouse...or what?

Are you saying you withheld from fully loving, as a means of protecting yourself from being hurt,

but now find you are bringing about the very thing you feared (i.e., abandonment)?

You might be surprised at how often this happens.


What a strange journey this is.

Thanks again for your support 25 and for helping me grow.

you are very welcome.

The "upside" to really digging in and working this DB program, regardless of martial outcome, is the growth in communication, boundaries, and an inner sense of peace that can come only from an inward journey.

Keep posting!