Thank you, everyone, for responding. I appreciate it greatly.
Cadet, I don't think I have postpartum depression, but am going to go to the doctor to find out, anyway. Everyone seems to think it's the stress I'm under. My husband is far from depressed and seems to think everything is fine until I don't want to have sex with him. I will do my best to continue to work on me.
Luvless, my H's behavior is very hard to swallow, but I am doing my best to ignore him. It's hard...and I am definately taking care of my baby!
Gabbysmom and Starsky, the sex thing is a hard issue for some reason. When I do decide to, we use protection (for obvious reasons).
Sandi, ask all the questions you like. It helps me to think. I do try to consider what's right, but lately I've been considering what I want and need. I don't know if I want to stay, honestly. He is unemployed. I asked him to get a part time job, but he said, "Why get a job when I'm going to quit soon?" I answered, "Because your family needs the money." I don't know what he does when I'm gone. I just pray he's doing right by our son and goofs off when I'm home...and you're right, I'm not attracted to my H.
I confronted him about his email message and web surfing habits and he told me: "I didn't think I'd get caught." "I didn't really DO anything." "The message didn't go through." "I said I MIGHT be interested in a FWB relationship." "I do stupid things when I want to have sex and you don't give it to me." ...among other things. He thinks since he apologized everything should be okay and I should not be hurt, but we've had the porn issue before and he apologized. He didn't tell me about the porn issue until AFTER we got married because he knew I'd decline his proposal. So, I came into the marriage and got blindsided.
My family and some of my girlfriends know about how he's been treating me prior to this incident and many have told me they wouldn't blame me for leaving. There's actually a lot more going on. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
In addition to feeling hurt, I'm also feeling lost. But here I don't feel so alone...
