H has still been on his best behavior still. Yesterday he was getting frustrated with me that I wasn't answering his calls and only answering important texts. He made a comment "you are ignoring me" and I simply responded "i have been so busy" and moved on.
He's making it so incredibly hard to remain dark. I almost feel like I need to have a talk with him about boundaries. He says that he knows what he did was incredibly wrong, and he hopes that someday I can forgive him. He isn't looking for a quick/simple fix. But then he wants to act like everything is ok, and I think he is hoping that eventually I will just fall in line and be ok.
I'm not mind reading, this has been our pattern for years, sadly.
I am going to offer something a little counter to the advice here.
Ignoring over and over does not work. It frustrates the heck out of him. So he keeps up the contact. Which frustrates the heck out of you.
Do you see the issue here. It is falling out into other areas as well.
You know you cannot go dark/dim very well. You know this is affecting your health.
So why not change this up.
You know that you do not need to contact him back for each and every message.
BUT.
You also know that part of acting 'AS-IF' does not mean ignoring him.
Why not use this as a teaching moment for Mr. AL and show him how busy you really are.
He sends a bunch of texts, phone calls.
Call him back when your about to, or doing something.
At the grocery store. Call him back where all the carts are being wheeled about.
Leaving to go do something. Call him just before you get there.
You know he has a meeting or something. Call him 60 seconds before he goes into it.
And make the conversation short.
"Hi Mr.AL just returning your calls /texts. What's up" Then just listen to what he is saying. As soon as you get a pause or change in thought. Interrupt. " I am about to do this ______ so I can only talk for another minute." If its not important then just say.
"Gotta run. Have a great day"
If it is important then just say.
"Can we talk about this later. Have a great day"
End the conversation.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
