Spinning, neglect, loss and the bomb

[ouroboros]

One of the many things confusing me is W's self-described thinking process to arrive at the decision for the D, and W's extreme attitude not wanting to let others know about the bomb.

W explains that after the previously described 'moment of clarity' and 2.5 months of hesitating to share the decision for D with me, she has not discussed the matter with anyone but two old mutual friends. Both these female friends have gone through Ds and in both cases W hasn't spoken to the friends in maybe 7 years. And, in both cases the friends were divorced due to physical and emotional abuse.

Also, in both cases W describes the conversations as one-time and as definitely not having shared plans for the bomb (just "indirect conversations about problems in our M"). W describes the process of making the decision as "completely internal". In fact, W also describes this as the reason she acquieced go to couples counseling--when I was pursuing, I described it as an unfair unilateral decision.

Additionally, she has gone out of her way several times to clarify the people who know about the bomb. She was initially angry, but then understanding, that I shared the information with my mom with whom I sought to provide me emotional support; she knows the W well and has gone through a D.

Also, when I went to hang out recently with a male friend who is M'd to one of her close friends, she directly asked that I not talk about or mention the bomb to my friend. I didn't have any plans to do so, but I was rather taken aback by the W's request. W actually woke me very early before either one of us would normally be awake to point out she's not shared this and suggest that I not either.

From one point of view, this isn't a matter I'd normally discuss with very many other people, but we all do need emotional support. That said, I'm trying to understand why W is treating this as a big secret.

Here are some theories, but they may be way off base:
1. W doesn't want to look like "the bad guy" to her friends.
2. W has dealt with this as an internal matter. Letting anyone else know would necessitate her having to explain herself to them, yet she has barely explained herself to me.
3. W would be challenged by some close friends who would find D in this circumstance generally immoral.
4. W doesn't want me to have support to apply pressure on me to agree to move forward with the D.
5. W would be challenged to clarify her beliefs and wants to avoid this.
6. W is actually using the LRT on me.

I'm not suggesting letting the 'cat out of the bag', although if #3 or #5 above happens to be true, I might be convinced to make a 'slip of the tongue' to the right person. I observe a big difference between letting people know and having in-depth conversations with friends who'd likely be looking out for my solo interests, not the M. But to be clear, I'm not planning this.

Can anyone share any perspective on this?