I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything

[breakdownbill]

OK I need to vent and let off some steam before tonight.

I'm happy that me and my W are being friendly again & the tension in the house has gone, it really has felt much better.

I'm just struggling a little with the detachment today, because of what's happening tonight (dancing with OM) & the fact that I know I've got to keep up my 'act as if' approach until I really mean it.

It's just a test, another test I keep telling myself & if it wasn't for this UNI work - I could be out GAL 'g to take my mind of things.

It's really hard when you know you have to let go, especially when you're completely conscious to what you are letting go, knowing that what you had may never come back again.

I keep on telling myself, it doesn't matter what she does now, because she's in WAW mode, but man is it a wrestle of your emotions. No matter how much you rationalise something, you still have to hurt and live within the reality of your own situation.

My kids keep me going, but I'll need to stay focused tonight & keep my mind away from things that will only do me harm.

I really hope I pass my 1st test & prove to myself that I am strong enough to let my W go freely into the tides of the night, so I can find myself and be strong enough to swim against the tide and find still waters.

Bill