6 months of marriage rebuilding and a discovery

[Lonely Room]

Hello!

It has been a long time since my last post in the forum. Since then a lot happened, but in practical terms I'm still separated. My wife and I are rebuilding the marriage at a very slow pace and with a lot of uncertainties. She says there are things she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to fix, but I've been patient and respectful.

We separated in June last year when she told me she didn't love me any more; you can read all about it in my previous posts. I left, and we had no contact at all for two months. In late August she contacted me over the Internet and we continued talking for another 2 months, always online. One day in early November she contacted me saying she was lonely and sad. We met the same evening, went for a long drive and talked a lot.

After that we started meeting regularly, going out for dinner, I even started to sleep over at hers, we started having sex. We spent the New Year abroad together, we went for a week of holiday abroad in February, clear improvements, small steps, we are even looking to buy a house.

I assumed all blame for what happened between us, although inside I know that very rarely things are black and white. This was the only way. The few times we talked about the past, I always listened carefully and tried to understand her perspective, accepting her reasons. It was a one-way thing, and I accepted that as part of getting us back together. Small steps...

But recently something happened that completely changed my interpretation of things. When we separated I suspected that there was some involvement between her and a work colleague. It was one of the factors that triggered the end, I confronted her with my suspicions, she denied everything and used it against me, as another reason to prove that I was at wrong in the marriage.

But the fact is that there was an involvement. I now know that as late as October they were still involved, that it started as a sexual thing, that she wanted to move it to a relationship but he didn't. She ended everything in early October afraid of being heartbroken. There are still a lot of things I don't know about what happened between then, but I think I know enough.

I haven't talked with anyone else about this, and she doesn't even suspect I know it. The problem is that they still work together, they are still close friends, she talks a lot about him and I still "feel" her as absent and cold. This leaves many questions in my mind, sent me a bit down although I'm still happy and confident with myself.

I still didn't put a lot of thought on this, don't know why, but would really like to hear your opinions. You guys were a really good platform for my rebuild after the separation and that was one of the best things that happened in my life.

Thank you very much, sorry for the long text!