am i better off without him?

[scaredsilly]

thank you luv and sandi,
i will try to remain detached and calm and matter-of-fact. i asked him back in january if he wanted to take a cruise with me to try to get our relationship back on track and to feel some closeness and warmth towards each other again but he declined. my son and DIL then invited me this month so i accepted because i will have time with my grandkids and it should be fun (and i'm GAL).

as for the coffee, yes, i have been bringing him coffee in bed every morning for many years. i usually get up before him and i bring his coffee to help him wake up and then we USED to sit together and talk for about 30 minutes before we had to get ready for the day.

now that he's decided to sleep in the other room, i make the coffee but don't bring it to him in that room. he comes out and gets it himself but then we sit and talk for a while (only superficial stuff now). i don't mind cooking for him since i'm retired and have to eat, too, but i will probably only do it two or three times and week now and leave it on the counter if he gets home late.

i have pampered him a lot during our marriage. i handle all the finances (banking, bill paying) and all our correspondence and bookkeeping (rental properties), pretty much everything to keep the wheels turning for our household. i do all the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry and he does the outside work; yard, repairs, autos. we've been a good team in the past. the problems have always been how we deal with his kids (adults now).

i always thought that once they became 18 and graduated from high school, our financial obligations towards them would be pretty much over and we would then be able to focus on our marriage and our time together.

well, it didn't happen that way. their mom kept putting them out, one at a time, and i volunteered to take them in, one at a time. at one point, we had two of them while they are in college. the son was ok but the daughter was very hard to live with and it caused our marriage to suffer.

i appreciate all your help and encouragement in my situation. what was supposed to be my "golden years" in my retirement has become a nightmare. but the pain and anxiety are lessening and i feel i have a little more control over my emotions but i've yet to be put to the test with my husband's presence since feb. 10th, when i came home and stopped trying to be with him (to make him enjoy my company again!).

i see my IC tomorrow. she is "solution based" so i'm looking forward to it. wish me luck and thank you all again!