It was parent-teacher interview night at D16's school - and time for a dose of consequences for H.
He'd obviously been anxious about the event - when he bought the kids home from school today, he didn't even turn off the car in the driveway. Kids said he hadn't spoken to them all the way home as had been p'ed off at S13 for being slow to come to the car after school.
A big change from the way he'd been acting in the last week - all friendly and staying back after drop-offs to help with homework.
Anyway, I get to school for the first appointment and end up calling H to see where he is. He says he is driving away from school as he doesn't know where the interviews are held (he hadn't asked me - I'd assumed we would have discussed it when he dropped the kids home this afternoon).
He is massively p'ed off. I patiently explain where I am and eventually he turns up.
First interview and teacher expresses surprise that D16's marks have dropped and that she is always late with her assignments.
After the interview, H tells me this is because she is now too busy going to proms and the movies every weekend. I don't say what I think, but just agree that this could be the problem.
Next interview, same story. D16 was an A student and is now getting Cs.
Next interview, form teacher asks why D16's attitude may have changed.
We are sitting in a corridor, with other parents cueing behind us - and all can pretty much overhear what we are saying.
H is looking meaningfully at me with his eyebrows raised and I can tell he wants to announce to the teacher that we are separated.
He is just about jumping out of his skin to do it.
I feel like the situation is completely inappropriate. I would probably burst into tears and all the parents waiting behind us would hear/see what was happening.
We exit the interview and walk to a slightly secluded spot and all hell breaks loose.
H attacks me verbally for not telling the teacher about us, and when I try to say I felt it was not the time to do it, he gets even more agitated.
He ends up swearing at me and stomping off (literally), saying that he will not continue with the charade. He refuses to see any more of the teachers with whom we have scheduled meetings - including those who have expressly asked to see us to discuss D16's work.
H is incandescent with rage.
He seems desperately to need me to announce to the world that we are separated.
If he could have me wear a placard bearing the category "Separated' or "About to Divorce", he would be much happier, I feel.
Not sure if it's just guilt-induced anger erupting (over what he's doing to D16) or if he's annoyed about not being able to flaunt OW in public while he's still got a wife in the eyes of all who know him.
Got hold of 'Co-dependent No More' and found the stuff on detachment really useful, so I was in a much better place to deal with his public outburst tonight.
Still makes me sad to witness the effects of all this on our kids.
