FIL came over to visit. this is actually the first time FIL and i have been alone since the bomb. we use to have these long chats all the time. since the bomb.. whenever he came over, he would be w/ his gf. anyway.. it was.. interesting.
he asked how i was doing and i said.. alright. he then asked how i was really doing.. i said.. alright. i had asked him to watch the kids the weekend of retrouvaille and today he asked a bit more. he told me he had been wanting to speak w/ me alone for quite some time and had been waiting for this moment. told me i had to be strong. he just held my hand.
FIL told me he was very disappointed in H and that he has asked him what was going on. H had apparently told him that he needed "H time". FIL told me he said.. that time was gone. now it was S, D, and W time. that he had a beautiful little family.. i know FIL has been very hurt in all this. i didn't say much because i didn't feel it was in my place. i'm not responsible for H's relationship w/ his father and it's definitely not my job to make it worse.
before this conversation.. FIL was talking about MIL and how he still likes to talk w/ her etc. but that he knew they would not get back together anymore. i asked him if he was happy (since he's been w/ this new woman for a couple of years now) and he said.. no. he regrets having left MIL and feels he moved in w/ this new woman too quickly... sigh.
you know, it was just really nice to know that someone in his family was thinking about us and praying for us.
tonight when S called H, i overheard him asking why H doesn't live with us anymore and how he wanted him to stay here with us. i heard H say it was a really difficult question to answer. afterwards, H txted asking if he could take S to school again tomorrow. i had to tell him that S was quite upset today and H guessed why. i felt very upset thinking about how S cried today so when H asked if he could take S to school more often i said i wasn't prepared to talk about it right now since i was feeling very upset. H just said it must be very upsetting to hear all this.
i'm sad tonight. not necessarily because of the demise of my M but at the consequences surrounding it. does that make any sense? i'm sad and having to deal w/ financial issues.. sad about talks of visitation.. and mostly sad at what my babies are having to experience. everything i had feared when the bomb dropped regarding their pain.. it's just so ignorant to say that lots of kids survive divorce. yes.. and people survive child abuse.. rape.. doesn't mean i want it for my kids. so irritated!
on a side note.. i'm ok. i'm irritated.. but i'm ok. i'm not going down tonight! lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
