Hey Tad, I also wanted to pass on a little wisdom my aunt gave to me and I now see it.
Each time a new sitch comes with the Ex's that pushes a button, it will hurt a little less, and a little less the next time, and a little less the next time.
Emotional and verbal abuse eats at your soul and every fiber of your being. Abusers want us to feel like crap Tad. They are bullies and want to control everything. However the basis of their control issues more than likely is just fear alone. You know my IC told me that one thing I had to work towards acceptance on was that people are capable of doing these horrible things.....even the people we love and trusted the most, our spouses.
I guess it's part of us getting a thicker skin. It just takes as much time as it takes for us. I tell ya I feel like I've fallen down and scraped up my knees so many times through out this last year, I don't know how Im still walking...or have skin left on my knees!
Id like to make a suggestion, though you've probably already done this. The next time you have any twinge of anger, confusion, or huge irriation with whatever weird crap she throws your way, take some time to read. Then read up on Emotional and Verbal Abuse. Google up "why abusers abuse".
Just to let you know, after starting up communication with my Ex these past few months, it got me in such a tither I had to start up on antidepressants again....thank God they worked this time!He's been unusually nice to me for over 2 months and it made me a nervous wreck. It sounds so crazy but I trust him more when he acts like he hates me or is rude than when he's nice to me. Guess I know I can depend on him to hate me, resent me, blame me for all his misery in life, be criticized for everything I am and I do and for him to think Im the scum of the earth. When he's nice, I get scared to death....why? Because this is what he's done. Hate me, leave me, come back and be nice a while and then it starts again.
Now how's that for scars?
Tad no one is perfect in their marriage. We are human and we make mistakes. But how those mistakes are handled, dealt with and resolved between both parties has everything to do with whether or not our relationships mend or not. It takes a level of maturity, rationality, forgivness, kindness, compassion, and love. People get hurt, but there is a right way and a wrong way to handle things.
MLC insanity spew IS NOT the way to handle things.
