P, The only thing that seems to work (at least for now) is for me to act the complete opposite from how I've been acting in the past. And to beat him to the punch, whether it's a conversation or leaving or whatever. And to act a bit distracted.
For instance, he knows I am very concerned with the papers for S's kindergarten. Well, I just let it all go, and that forces him to act instead. Today H took S to get the health check-up that's needed, he packed the bag with snacks and books for the train ride, because I didn't do any of it, and acted as if I hadn't thought about doing it either.
I also try for some "surprise" every time H comes around, whether it's rearranging the furniture or not being here at all (but in the park) or having some new music on or burning incense (something I never did before) - something, anything, that's "not the same". Perhaps he thinks I've just lost it, I don't know.
It helps that I am sort of around when he's here, but that I have the option to leave should I want to. Today he said that he wanted to go retrieve S's dental records on Friday, I just shrugged. He's very used to having me confirm his actions, so no more of that.
I'm not saying this actually helps in any way, but it does change the dynamics of our R. H might also be concerned that I might take S back home (Europe) at the end of the year, which I did talk about prior to DB, and he might think that if S is established in school, it means we will stay here. Well, tough luck, it doesn't necessarily. If I go it's not at all to punish H, I should add, but because I have a greater support net there with family. I have nobody here except H and S.
In general I am secretive or vague about all my plans.
