am i better off without him?

[sandi2]

i've just booked a cruise with my son and his family for later in the month. i'm not sure how to handle it with my husband as he will be in the same house with me when i pack and when i leave (at least that's what i think now).

any suggestions on how to let him know i'm going? do i let him know where and with whom or just keep it vague? i know he won't be happy about it because he seems to be happiest when i just sit home and feel punishment and misery... ;-)

Would he not hear about through your son or family? If not, then this is what I'd do. If it were me, I would not mention it until time to pack. I would tell him in a very nonchalant fashion and then proceed to the bedroom to start packing. That way, it would not appear as if you were looking for his permission to go, and also it would give you something to do with your hands and keep you busy instead of waiting to see his reaction to your news. If he starts storming around, you just keep calm and go about your packing. Pay no attention to his reaction. But, I would tell him when and where you were going just b/c it's a cruise and that's pretty big in my book. However, the main point here is that you are to act as if it's nothing really. You don't make a big "announcement" about it. Just kind of "in passing". Then immediately go start packing. Let him ask who you're going with, etc. I would be honest and tell him it's with your son's family.....but just don't volunteer the information. Wait for him to ask. If he doesn't ask....oh well. (Seriously, he'll find out if he wants to know.) It's important that you not allow his behavior to stop you from leaving and having a good time.

should i continue cooking dinner for my husband when he comes home? i'm retired and he's not. if i want to be the woman he would never want to leave, shouldn't i continue making dinner for him and bringing him his coffee in the morning? or would i be pursuing and being a doormat? this is all so confusing for me.

Well, do you enjoy cooking for him? Does he seem to appreciate it or does he take it for granted? Does he think that is part of your "job"?

Taking him coffee!! You mean, while he's in bed? (Just kidding)

I'm sure all men would like that kind of pampering. That's how I think of it....pampering. Now other women may not. I would find it hard to pamper a man who mistreats me and is disrespectful to me. To me, that would be too much like a doormat.

As for as continuing cooking or taking him coffee b/c that is being "the woman he would never want to leave".......well, you've been doing that all along, so my question would be, how's that working? Not trying to be a smarty mouth, and I understand your question, but sometimes you have to shake things up! He may be so spoiled to being treated like a king that he doesn't even think about it. I grant you my H would notice if I brought him coffee in bed! But, he would not treat me disrespectful, either.

My suggestion would be cut out the coffee and see what happens. Try leaving his dinner on the stove while you go out to GAL. You don't have to do it every night, but once in a while.....to shake things up. He needs to realize what a jewel he has in you, and how will he know unless he misses it?