I don't know what to say Bill. It's obviously up to you what is best for you and whatever will help you feel better is the priority. I would suggest though that maybe before making a definitive decision, just try on detaching 'for size'. So, go dark and detach and see how that feels over a period of time. If that works best for you, then you can make it a definitive decision and announce it as such. Don't announce anything through to your W until you try it for yourself at first.

Also, I want to say that when I first separated from my H 1.5 years ago, he too went to a counselor. He also came to the same conclusion: he was unhappy for X number of years and didn't realise it until he started talking to the counselor.

But, 1.5 years later, he is no more happy! He has made very little progress in that time. In fact, at one point, we had a 3 month no contact separation (his idea) as he thought it would solve his unhappiness by making it all go away. He ended up having a panic attack.

I can honestly say that we have both been pretty unhappy with all this starting and stopping, and it has created a lot of instability (unlike anything we had before). What we really needed were solutions - not analysis.

The happiest he was in this 1.5 years was when I pulled us back together to work on things proactively - no questions asked, not looking back, just looking forward. It all went pear shaped when I lost my footing (hence current separation).

Despite him being 'convinced' divorce is the right way to go, I can pretty much guarantee neither of us are happy being without the other.

How I wished I could have found a solutions based therapistor coach!! The hassle it would have saved, the broken hearts, the hopelessness and sense of failure. Looking back now, we just didn't have the right tools and knowledge. That's how I see it.

I guess it's something we all learn as we go along.

BTW, my H and I have been together for a total of 17 years (married for 10 years) - and it's been the last 1.5 years that have seen us oscillating like this.