Hi Tad, I just wanted to let you know I fully understand how detatchment is 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.
When we have to see the WAS's, it's uncomfortable.
When the WAS starts in again, it pushes serious buttons.
What do you think YOU NEED in order to heal from this? What do YOU need to help you get some better detatchment under your belt so you can move forward a little better? Total NC? Boundaries set to where she doesn't come to your house anymore? Neutral drop/off pick up places for the boys?
Once I figured out what I needed in order to heal, and started implementing it, I started healing and detatching. I still have a ways to go but Im alot better!
I'd like to recommend a book, maybe you've heard of it. It's called The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley.
This book really helped me understand the buttons that get pushed when I have to be around my ex. When I start getting really Pissed Off about something with him, especially trivial, I step back and ask myself WHY. And it can take a while to figure out why sometimes, maybe even a few weeks.
In my case I feel alot of my detatchment issues have really been revolving around my self esteem being very poor. As my self esteem has improved, my detatchment has become greater.
IMO, you've been horribly abused by this woman. It has shaken you to your core and you have scars and wounds that don't really seem to have a chance to heal before she does something again. Yet you're still having to share your kids and the slightest thing will set you off...or salt in wounds.
It's hard when the kids come home and start passing on what the ex has done or said. It also takes time Tad, it just takes time.
