Thank you for your kind replies. I had read the 37 rules before but need to read them daily. They are so helpful.
I had a better weekend DBing and this led to a conversation Monday where W brought up feelings she had from our attempt for her to get pregnant via artificial insemination a few years back. At first she was angry and accusatory but I remained calm and we were able to actually have a positive conversation about how we both felt.
I have felt like we have not talked since this started at the end of July, that she was always angry, unable and/or unavailable to talk. She moves in 2 weeks, and I know that she may very well distort our conversation to continue to reinforce her decision but I know that there is nothing I can do about that.
She wrote and thanked me for talking about it, that it was hard but good. In the past I would have used that as an example to push for more conversation, but now I am 180ing by not asking.
She had been having abdominal pain and she told me that they had found gallstones. She has to go to a specialist and may require surgery. Of course, I searched online to see if that can cause depression and anger. One doctor believes it can but there is not much other support for that notion. Guess I need to stop looking for an easy solution.
We agreed to a settlement this week and I am nervous and scared about receiving divorce papers sometime soon. I know it is coming but it will hurt as it is one more step.
I heard that her friends are throwing a going away party which makes me sad.
I am feeling okay though. I have a great IC that allows me to accept the part of me that cries and acts like a baby and to see that it is just a part of me and not all of me. i had been beating myself up about it. I also have family coming in town next week and have been excited to get my house ready for the guests. I have great friends and much to be grateful for. Including all of you on this forum. I take great comfort and am inspired by your series and support. Thank you.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13