The book "The Solo Partner" talked about catastrophic thinking. When we get into these situations, we think things like "I'll never find love again" or "I can never be happy based on what's happened to me". When you find yourself thinking that way, you need to put the brakes on, label it for what it is, and remind yourself that things WILL get better.

At 31 years old, you're still young! Even if things don't work out you can certainly find love and happiness again. You will find another job, you will move into your own place or back with H. These things will happen, it's a matter of time. The fact that you can life with your mother is a great thing! What a luxury. Enjoy it and take the time you need to get yourself back on your feet.

No one is going to judge you for what's happened in your life. Look at this board, it happens all the time and often it happens worse. People around you don't talk about it, but if you open up about your sitch they might. You will find that others have also gone through troubles that you didn't even know about. Couples that look very happy in public are often having difficulties at home. It's part of being married and your situation is nothing to be ashamed of or feel badly about.

After I discussed my SSM issues with a few of my friends, I learned that many of them had the same issues or worse. One of my friend's wives was suffering from depression and bipolar issues and his situation got so bad that he had to make an ultimatum that she had to get help or he was leaving with the kids. We had dinner with them frequently and I didn't know anything about that.

Believe me, it's all around you. You can and will get through this and be happy again. If you go down the path of reconciliation, once you have forgiven H, and once you understand how to make the marriage successful for both of you, and KNOW that you are doing the things you need to do, then you will feel very confident in the strength of what you have, and at that point, you will NOT be tortured by these thoughts. The attitude you'll adopt is that you're a great wife and if he strays or leaves again, that will be his loss, because you're happy with yourself. When you get there, it's very liberating.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015