The road before you is very painful, in my sitch I read that infidelity is the worst pain a person can experience, worse than a loved one dying -- it's betrayal on top of loss. You can't flip a switch and get over that, you just have to live throught it, but know that it does end and you will come out the other side -- but it will probably take 6 months or more. There is no need for everything to be better *now*, take your time.
I recommend you go back and read your own sitch from the beginning, when H was gone, you were very honest about your own contribution to the situation and you desperately wanted him back. Now he's willing to come back and you're beating him up and pushing him away. Believe me, I understand why and how it makes you feel, but please try to maintain perspective on your own role in your marriage.
If you view yourself as the faultless victim, your marriage will not improve longer term. OW was a symptom, not a root cause. H's needs were not being met in your marriage and he was not happy. Your road to success lies in BOTH having H atone for his wrongdoing AND you continuing to evaluate your own attitudes and actions and to understand what will be required of YOU to make your marriage a success.
No matter what happens, you will need to forgive H. This may not make sense to you now, but forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You forgive for your own well-being, not for H. When you forgive, you can find peace. Without forgiveness you will find only anger and recrimination within yourself. What he did was horribly, horribly wrong, but it cannot be undone.
I strongly suggest you find a counselor to talk to -- your friends are not trained in this area and may not give you good advice. Find yourself a good IC, a priest, or use a DB telephone coach on this site. I spoke to Cheryl and I can guarantee you she will make you feel better and see things more clearly.
You are spinning right now, you're in shock and have gone through trauma. Don't make any long term decisions, and try not to say things you'll later regret.
H loves you, he's the best father for your children, and he's willing to give this a go -- that's a gift regardless of what has come before.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
