Not sure where to start

[wishing, hoping]

So I am still DB'ing. Trying my 180's. Continuing to control my temper and to be a more relaxed mom with the kids and to not raise my voice. I am finding it difficult to control my emotions. I get too caught up in thinking about what the future holds. I need to let go of what I have no control over. Another 180 is to not be such a control freak. To let go and to let God.

Last night my son had a soccer game and we all rode together as a family. It is so hard knowing that my H has no connection to me and doesn't want to have a connection to me. Inside I am screaming. But on the outside trying to look cool and collected. Son had a good game and the H was very responsive and open to me and even managing to talk to me a few times about the game (which he never ever does because he gets so involved with the game).

When we got home he asked if I was giving our daughter a bath, which I said no, it's too late and she's too tired. After I helped D get her pajamas on he asked me if I would make him a drink while he held her. So I did and he thanked me.

I got ready for bed and he was working on the laptop doing some work emails. He proceeded to talk to me about work and some issues going on. I listened, didn't interrupt and validated what he was saying. He hardly opens up and talks to me like that anymore which really hurts because he used to tell me everything.

I don't really have any expectations, but it's hard to have hope without expectations. I also can't tell if he is just feeding me crumbs or if he is really feeling more comfortable with me and that is why he is opening up.

There are moments I just want to shake him and tell him to wake up and get out of this fog. But, I can't. That would make things worse. I just need to keep up my 180s, become a better person and develop more strategies to GAL.