Thanks guys for all the help! Denver you seem to be hitting the nail on the head. For better of worse means that I will be here regardless. I believe I have stated all my faults in the marriage already. Subconscious/imploding anger. Almost all of my faults were a direct subconscious reflection of her actions. Aside from being super affectionate such as holding hands, etc. But according to her it ALL boiled down to intimacy(sex, cuddling). First 4 years sex and intimacy was great. She never was a faker type. She is vocal in expressing her pleasure or lack thereof. Nothing seemingly changed with her. It was me that apparently started getting fed up with her actions(going out dancing once a week, staying out((6am)) late when she does go, her constant need to be socially connected via facebook/twitter/texting updates hourly at least, her occasional smoking and heavy drinking when she did go out) about a year and half ago. I guess i couldnt take it anymore but instead of continuing to complain about those things to her, i chose to harbour my feelings inside, big mistake because it turned into anger without my knowledge. So when she first revealed she was starting to feel unhappy Jan 2011, i understood then. But every attempt to heal her deep wound was bandages on a wound that needed stitches. And apparently finding stitches was not a priority for me because i thought bandages(becoming more affectionate, having more sex) would be fine. But the growth in my affection and intimacy from Jan 2011-Jan 2012 was not sustained because stitches(the root of my affection/intimacy issues) were not in place, hence the two subsequential breakups. And also the last one. But God made me understand the root of my issues, something I didn't know before she separated. My imploding anger actually exploded into my love and affection towards my wife. But when things are reconciled I definitely wont be the same man as before. Which in return will help our marriage all together. Also will go back to counselor the day after we reconcile! And will NOT stop as her treatment for depression is vital for any growth in our marriage.
We don't have a joint bank acct. I handled all our finances. She has only worked the first six months of our relationship, 1 year after giving birth to our son, and the past year. 2 1/2 years total of our 5 years together. She gave mostly all of her money to me to contribute to the home.
But I'm still not fully understanding. Yes I know I need to stand my ground, etc but what about the 180 STUFF!? The old me was stubborn I never backed down, always mentioned and pointed out her flaws or when dishes weren't done or when the house was messy.
One thing I will say guys is that I am fully into my faith, although far from perfect. I have submitted myself first in loving my wife the Godly way, and will draw info, advice, on doing this from many places including here. But I will not follow a DB technique that doesn't line up with where God would lead me. Most of the 180s seem fine though. But I've expressed to her about dishes and cleaning already. If she doesn't want to do these things then I will. Happily. Don't see any good at patronizing her at this point. Will definitely attempt to reclaim the bed even though I don't mind sleeping on couch. We are both on our lease. Our son sleeps in our bedroom though and if she resolves to sleeping elsewhere he will definitely follow. Why should he suffer though? He loves his mom very much as well and cries for her when she is gone at night. I just figured it was in HIS best interest that she was in bed where HE would be comfortable. What helps me do the 180 stuff well is my faith in God. God hates divorce. God blesses marriage. And Gods word says that if you abide in him and he in you then ask for what you want and you shall receive. His word also states Agape love. Loving your wife without expecting anything in return. And if she is not submitting to you or following him then let YOUR actions show God and he will work on her. The 180 stuff is good and inline with this. But anyway..
I appreciate the advice from all, will filter it through God and apply accordingly.
I'm NOT giving up on my wife. Ever. I will keep God first. I will continue the 180s and anything I can within Gods grace to ensure I better myself, and continue to be strong and the guiding light for my son and my wife. Will keep them strong in prayer and through my Godly ordained actions and thoughts.
