Keeping the Kids Out of It

[PrincessP]

H is angry with me exclusively regardless of other factors, classic MLC. The anger is palpable even our D4 can sense it; children are very perceptive. H doesn't scream or carry on in front of D4 or at me but you can feel it practically radiate out of him.

Even H moved out in the beginning of the year, he still pays the mortgage so he feels entitled (or maybe guilty) to come and go as he pleases. I said in one of my first posts H has been manipulating our D4 for a while now even before he left. His new maneuver is to leave within minutes of my arrival home so now D4 is associating my arrival with her father's departure and she is beginning to resent me for it. While we haven't said anything to her yet (at least I hadn't) D4 very well knows H doesn't live at home with his family but now she feels I am the problem.

Last night I told D4 that "I love Daddy and want him to come home too but he chose to leave and choses to leave each time. This is Daddy's home too and he can come back anytime." I put the responsibility on him. She is smart enough to know what a decision is; I give her choices within limits and she makes decisions for herself. I will remind her of H's choice everytime she feels either she or I are the cause if his leaving.