Just read your post, I know what you are talking about with unconditional love. I do have that for my kids and I believe I have it for my wife (but as you say the true test will come in the weeks and months ahead).
I know that she wants me to get on with my life and be happy for the kids. She keeps on telling me you'll meet someone so much better than me etc etc (guilt talking).
I have to let her make these decisions on her own, without challenge. Take the dancing in my sitch for example, this is something that she gets friendship, the ability to express herself doing something she loves (dance), an emotional attachment to friends and another man (dance partner) and her physical and social needs are met. Now bearing in mind that she is a textbook WAW, I think my sitch is a little more problematic to overcome given the other variables. * i.e. when I'm gone, her life is pretty full already and there won't be a gaping hole left by me, plus I'll still be around for the kids*
I'm not just up against another man, I'm up against her new (newish 2 .5 years) identity, circle of friends and what makes her happy.
Things might change over time, based on my own growth as an individual, how I interact and have fun with the kids and how I deal with our separation.
I'm not giving up, I'm just being realistic about what I'm up against. I have low expectations and I am starting to detach and think about me as an individual again.
I am fully aware of my role in my M and the part you said about not cherishing my W, that is what I feel most guilty about. I wish I'd have stood up for my M and showed her how I felt, when she still wanted me.
The only thing I can do now is regroup, keep working on myself, be a great dad & if there is an opportunity in the future to reconcile be ready to take it with both hands.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
