It's bait alright, and I can think of 3 reasons why she's doing it:
1. She wants Navy to overreact so she can get mad at him and justify her infatuation with a possible OM.
2. She's actively testing the boundaries of the relationship to see how much she can get away with. Expect her to demand her "privacy" while she starts to actively chat up this new guy.
3. She might actually be warming up to Navy again but is too stubborn so she is baiting him so she can be the victim again.
Most importantly I think his W is trying to have it both ways. She wants the financial, logistical, and emotional support Navy provides, but has no interest in having a real marriage. We've gone over this before.
The appearance of a new guy though is very concerning. Another male with which she can bond with (even of only at a friendly level) automatically puts Navy at a disadvantage. Call GB crazy but I believe that from this point every interaction, every conversation, and every action will be compared to this guy and any other "friends" she may have.
"why is it that I have so much fun with these men, but I can't even stand my husband"
As to how to handle it, my recommendation is to bring up that you overheard her conversation, and also noticed she is hiding her friends list. Tell her you are not accusing her of anything, but that her actions could give the wrong impression. Tell her you want to trust her, but it's hard when she looks like she has something to hide.
At this point expect her to fly off the handle. My guess is she'll say something hurtful or threaten to leave in order to get you to back off. She'll act outraged and say you are violating her privacy. It's a smokescreen dont get baited into apologizing for violating her privacy. Let her know that a condition for being married to you is a certain level of transparancy. That being said I think it may be a good idea to make a list of your non-negotiables.
Expect her to rebel and threaten a walk out. Hold strong and weather the storm. I think you should call her bluff.
Agree with GB on every word.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
