Needing some guidance...

[jks]

Today has been good. I was texting with H and began to ask about what his plans were with OW. Meaning when he was going to talk to her. He said he wanted to talk to her face-to-face because he felt like that was the right thing to do and he wouldn't have a chance to do that until this Thurs. I told him I was somewhat concerned about this because it seemed to me that he just wanted to do it to comfort her, maybe give her one last kiss and hug and end it. I don't think I would be ok with that.

He said there would be no comforting involved because she will just be super angry and will probably want to punch him. I told him that if he does it that I think it would be best to meet her in a public setting, not go to her house and asked if he agreed... he said yes.

I asked him if he had talked to her at all this week and he did say that he told her he would let her borrow some equipment for work a while back and she would be needing it tomorrow so he gave it to her. I asked, so she came over? He said, no, my dad took it to her. I said I'm not even comfortable with that. So then I started to feel like he's saying all these things of ending it but it has yet to happen and he's still doing things for her. So I started texting with a friend and told her what was going on and had accidentally sent one of my messages to my H. I immediately said, I'm sorry, I'm just really upset right now... He said, who are you talking to?

I didn't respond for an hour because by that time I was on the phone with my friend. From the conversation with her I basically made the decision that I need to set some boundaries with H. First, being that if he wants to start hanging out with me and doing stuff as a family then he needs to end this with OW first.

I ended up calling him and began very slowly to choose my words carefully. I told him that I didn't want him to feel like I was telling him what to do but it just can't work if he continues these ties with her. He explained why he had to lend her the equipment because he couldn't just leave her hanging being that she would need it tomorrow and he hasn't even talked to her yet. So whatev on that. But I did tell him about the boundary with us hanging out and he said, fair enough.

We had a very long conversation, several times I was about to end it because I felt like I didn't have anything more to say but he kept saying what are you thinking? And I kept asking questions about what was going on. He was very forthcoming with giving me the information. He said he did talk with his dad last night about it. Obviously, he was very disappointed. I told him that I was scared that he's going to change his mind because he's been changing it so much over the past 7 months. He said, all I can say is there is a lot of work that needs to be done by the two of us. And if things end up continuing the same way they did before, then it's not going to work. I said, I agreed, and that was what I was trying to tell him all along.

I told him how angry I was that he made me feel so guilty for asking him questions about what his intentions were with OW. In the past, he kept telling me to drop it and stop focusing on things that I couldn't control. I told him that all along I was right and you made me feel like crap. And now I have to think about all the things that you guys have done together and I don't want to think about it and shouldn't have to.

Throughout the entire conversation he was very apologetic and understanding and honest. He also mentioned that he was looking forward to the future now. Before all of this he was dreading future events to come because of the fact of sharing the kids... ie, our D6's birthday in a month and the 4th of July and just summer in general.

After we hung up he texted me and said thank you for talking with me. I'm sorry that it brings up all these sad thoughts. I then told him thank you for talking with me and thank you for being so honest. He said, I've been working very hard on that. I told him that I feel that I am partial to blame for that because I was always so quick to get angry whenever he came to me about things. I now want him to feel safe about sharing things with me knowing that I will be understanding.

So then for the rest of the day we texted on and off. He kept telling me things about what he wanted to do in the future. Like he wanted to go on a cruise with me. And he still wants to build our dream house. This makes me so happy because I can tell that he actually sees a future with me and he's excited about it.

He then called me tonight and said he had a thought and wanted to know if I would want to come to his work while they're doing a training in a couple of weeks and take pictures (I'm a photographer). He thought it would be cool for me to see what they do up close and for them to have some cool pictures for them to use for a video. I said, yes, that would be fun. He then explained to me what they would be doing during the training and such and then he had to go.

So, it's been a lot of positive interaction with H today. Quite frankly I'm not used to it. I can tell that he's been thinking about me a lot and the fact that he's so willing to talk is HUGE! Lots of good steps forward, I think.