25yearsmic, thank you so much for your reply - it's very helpful.
I have started my own thread (in Newcomers under "Advice Please"), I was merely replying to PrincessP here. I def. don't believe it serves any purpose with friends and family who talk nasty about H, but few of them understand MLC, which is why I wanted someone who does understand to talk to. I am also aware that guilt isn't going to make things better. What worries me is that if I do tell H about the problems our S (who is 4) is having, H is going to believe that I am trying to make him feel guilty. H already sees the good stuff S is doing, because when H comes over S is very happy to show him.
I haven't "punished" H since I found DB. I believe I have been very nice. What I guess I was trying to say is that H has a way of turning anything I say against me, which I realize is very MLC. Bottom line: I have to be very careful with what I tell H and how I say it.
I have talked to a coach (which I also mentioned in my own thread). And it was very good.
