C2H: Acknowledging it is the first step. Now you have to make a list of positive things you can do to stop sabotaging your progress.
I had a really tough time with it too. Accepting the reality of it was just killing me (and stresswise - it was). Finally I started trying the Stop Sign technique. When I started to think about him and her or the situation - I allowed myself just a minute to think about it then I said STOP and I redirected. I had to read, watch tv, do housework, phone a friend etc. But I forced myself to redirect.
I had to work seriously on my need to tell everyone what he did to me. I realized they were starting to glaze over. I was driving them away. With you - you have not healed yourself first and instead - against the advice you've been given - jumped into new Rs. And you got hurt all over again. You are SO not ready. And you are sending out the negative vibes and the "I'm not over what my wife did to me" message which prospective dates can read all over you.
Are you still in counselling? If not - go back. I had gone for a year then backed off. Then after some time - I went back again. Reassess. Make new goals. Get another opinion. A professional one.
And stop going near your ex wife's house other than to pull in the driveway and pick up the girls. Don't talk to the girl's about their mother. They have a right to love her without feeling "tainted" about it. And your ex wife has every right to date. She is divorced from you. Don't create drama where none should exist. Not for her, not for your daughters, not for new guy and especially not for yourself.
You know - sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Whoever angers us, also controls us. Do you really want to give your ex that power???? I'll bet she's not worrying about you.
Count your positives. You have many. I'll get you started.
1. You are a very good dad. Very involved with your girls.
Hang in there. It is still early days. Really it is. I was probably in a very similar place at the 2.5 year mark.
