Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Still struggling. This weekend I had a full meltdown on Sunday. It's not just XW. There have been four women who I had very deep feelings for and all of them broke up with me. I really despaired over all of them. There's something in me that drives people away when they get very close. I have to fix that.

I have to pull myself together. I just have to, but it's going to take some time. I've been trying to control XW, my friends, my surroundings for decades now. To just let go and accept things as they come and concentrate on myself is going to take a long, long, long time.

I have to find new ways every day to turn my brain around when said or negative thoughts come into my head.

I have to accept that it's over.

A positive note. Little league umpiring is going to help a little this summer. I'll have to shell out some money for the initial equipment, but I should make it up and then some this year.

The league I want to umpire in runs mostly in May and June. By July 4 it's done and I can enjoy the rest of my summer.