First of all - mykarma you are VERY correct. I too am convinced that his insecurities have gotten the best of him. I don't know how long it will take him to get out of this state - maybe 2 years, who knows. It's already been about a year of this. But, you know, the crazy thing is that I am willing to go in the direction of divorce if that would help him in exercising his will in life. It is a misguided way of exercising one's will, but to him it might give him a sense of victory. I'm certainly not going to hurry that process along at all, instead, just let him move with his convictions without kicking up a big fuss about it (I'm still a tad uncertain about that though).
Meanwhile, I have been just getting on with my life while he is out 'exercising his will'. I had a look at a rental property that I felt comfortable with. Currently, I am living in our mutual rental property out in the stix. While I love this property for so many reasons (and have told my H so a few times now), I do need to move back into the city because I'm too far out from everyone. Also, I am sick and tired of the commute that takes way too much time out of the day. I hope he doesn't take it badly (given his insecurities). Still, being single again I want to be closer to my family again, and be more available to attend the various events that are always going on. So, I put a bid down for the new property and I will hear tomorrow. Finger's crossed!!
I let my H know that I was looking, and that I put a rental offer down. He wrote back saying what a nice looking property it was etc. Then, he tacked on the end of the email that he spoke to the lawyer who pretty much confirmed what I had said to him re the financial settlement. He was not happy about the law. I hope he realises now that I am not being unfair (or bitter for that matter). I am willing to work with him as long as it is fair - and have told him so. But, I have to look after myself of course too!!
I spoke to him this evening about the move. He seemed genuinely interested and we talked about it at length. He is helping out with the move, and we got into our 'team mode' when organising a big event. We work really well together on that front - and are in total natural synch. We have always been really good with logistics and who does what and when. I love it!! A true partner in many ways. We talked for about an hour, and I felt quite a lot of love in my heart for him. We really are good friends - already. It's the romance I am after as well though
We had talked about the Easter break coming up and what he wanted to do. He has finally decided to go see him mother. I don't suggest anything anymore
My fondest desire is this:
I move into my new place, and I really dig into my new life. We have an excellent move (which we will because we are really good at that sort of this). He realises the fun we could have dating again, and that we slowly start up again - SLOWLY. It would be nice for him to take responsibility for his insecurities (that he is currently projecting all over the place), as this might be the sticking point that could make a hell of a lot of work for me.
