Keeping the Kids Out of It

[PrincessP]

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, Cadet. I read through all the links in the last 24 hours...Wow! My goodness I had guessed MLC but wasn’t sure since my H is only 38. There are also WAS attributes to this scenario. Looking back over the last couple of years, even before I read the links, I can see we are still in REPLAY.

H is on his second PA/EA but this time he actually moved out for her and left his family in the dust. The first one was a test; she was too much in the same situation as him: unhappy marriages, similar professional industry, kids, in their 30s. She gave him attention and he tried to recreate our history with her while never leaving the family to do it. This one is 27 and does not have the same baggage (as far as I can tell.) I don’t know anything about her except a first name, age and ethnicity. H is definitely reliving adolescence when he was unbelievably rebellious. His family is super uptight and never talk about problems. When H turned 10 he felt a palpable turning point in his relationship with his mother (rejection.) Guess who became his mom in adulthood (rhetorical, of course.) Interestingly I found one of the message threads on his phone to be with his first love who he lost his virginity to. I had suspected they got in touch over year ago but it seemed insignificant at time to me. The emails were pretty benign, mostly about how great her kids are and ours is.

I am going to keep up my DBing, a la 180s; I am trying to remain non-confrontational, low-key, beautiful and positive. There are going to be days when I have to say “no” to H, regardless of his MLC and my desire to reconcile. I worry about those times to come because I don’t want take steps back in the DB. How do you deal with someone who is unhinged, set limits and boundaries, and DB? That’s a big question.