fwiw, there are ways to apologize without admitting specifics. Like "W, I don't recall it that way but I am sorry I hurt you. If I had the chance to do it all over I'd do many things differently."
Several of her assertions, if admitted by you, are not at all helpful to you.
Did you get physical with her? Did you purpoesly drop your son? Those are criminal offenses in all states and I've had clients in jail for less. Admitting them is dangerous for you. IT's one thing to LEARN from them, another thing to lose your liberty.
The allegation of child porn is a serious one and that gets jail time....don't minimize that.
On the other hand, I'd argue, if I were your L, that if she really had any of these fears why on earth does she let you have son at all?
I would not count on seeing him at all in SC if these are things she's willing to put in writing.
Also your first sentence with her letter, to us, is that it was mostly true and then "mostly not true."
Well?
Anyhow Her letter is calm, powerful and resolute. See what your L says. Send nothing more to her until you get a legal opinion.
And try to use this as a tool for your future. I think there is a lot to learn from this.
If half of what she says is true, I hope you've done some deep digging inward. That is where the real journey in life is.
Definitely. That's why I stayed away from stating anything that agrees with specifics of the letter. All of you are right about how to use this letter; I see it as a window to my past and a guide to my present and future.
"Mostly true...mostly not true" -- I was waxing poetic there. Just to clear things: I was physical, but never ever hit her. I grabbed her and held her, half of the time was to stop her from cutting herself. She would either have a razor blade to cut her thighs, or occasionally a knife. She would do that when she was under great sorrow -- she did it with her parents, and she did it dealing with the porn. Many times, I've have to wrestle with her to get the blade out her hands, so no wonder she might've received hand-imprints on her body. Mind you, she bruises easy (I've seen her bump into things and the bruise would look like she was punched; even "crazy" sex caused it sometimes).
I've also always been pained that my wife claims that I purposefully dropped our baby son. I remember that I was tired, was trying to hold our son in a different position, and I lost my grip. The "drop" was probably 3 inches. But due to everything that had occurred during that time (dealing with my parents and having another porn discovery), she was on-edge and read that as "Aaron is bad".
Your point about her fears yet still letting me take care of our son is spot on. I have been thinking the same way since the day she left and my counselor agrees as well. She states that she has our son's best interest in mind, so by letting our son be with me is basically endorsing my credibility as a father and role-model (?). Her leaving for SC has nothing to do with the values and education system or environment of that state, but more about her education/job. Plain and simple.
Speaking of which, it's also interesting that in her letter, she didn't forgets to mention that while she was in med school (with admitted less time to be home than she has now, even factoring in the fact that she chose to be a B/C-grade student), I took care of all things home-related. Some things I wasn't good at (like paperwork), but many things I was (like taking care of our son, cooking, cleaning).
