I've just read your most recent posts. I enjoy reading them. You are a very wise and down to earth man. You see the big picture and have such a good perspective as well. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings. REading other's perspectives really can help change our own outlooks on our situations.
I want to tell you how much I appreciate a man that is thinking of their childrens thoughts, and feelings in regards to bringing in a new girlfriend when you feel you might be ready to get involved with someone again. See my stbx MLCer was NOT considerate of our girls feelings in regards to them meeting the OW. The girls were absolutely crushed that he left and took up living with another woman so quickly. They had just started getting used to seeing him in hiw own apartment, and then BOOM here comes the OW. They refused to spend the night with him for 3 months because they were so hurt by it. He placed all the blame on me, and thought I had poisoned their thoughts against him, but of course I didn't. Our girls are 9 and 12, old enough to know they have a mom and a dad and no one else ever entered the picture till now. The fact that Dad bounced out of here and replaced me with a blink of an eye was devastating to them. I think he finally figured that out.
My biggest concern out of this separation/divorce/mlc was for the well being of my girls. As far as I was concerned their thoughts and feelings mattered, and I encouraged them to have their voices heard. This wasn't all about mom and dad and their issues, and they must take whatever is dished out in a divorce or custody hearing. We were a unit once, and their feelings always were considered when making family decisions.
I never had a positive male role model in my life, but the relationship between a father and a daughter is very special. It is through their father's they learn how they should be treated by men. You are respecting your daughters by your actions.
You mentioned in an earlier post if anyone ever suspected if our X's could be following us on this site. I've wondered a few times myself. Back in the summer I gave this website to stbx because it described all the things he said he was going through in regards to wanting to leave us. So he knows where this exisits. I didn't start posting till about 2-3 months later after giving him the address. What made me wonder if he was reading it is his verbiage in regards to a few things. When he was blaming me for many things, he told me to stand back and see what "role I played" in him not being able to pay me child support.
Now, it's almost like he's trying to DB me some days....almost like Im the WAS now and he's the LBS. GALing, being positive, cheerful, nice, helpful, smiling, communicating....a complete 180 of what he was a year ago, even months ago. Believe me it got my attention! This is the hardest part of it all....is letting that wonderful part of him that I missed so much finally resurface, but let him go forever. I marvel at your patience and ability to still have important talks with your XW. Im still in the phases of detatchment, which goes 2 steps forward, 3 steps back for me at times, but Im getting better!
