Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

I'm finding it extremely hard to get out of my head and get my head out of my situation. I'm nearly desperate for some form of validation from my wife. Any form. Am I a good father? Do you respect what I'm doing on any level? Do you know I'm trying to something good for all of us?

This is backsliding for me. I need to get back to calm, cool, and detached. I need to give her space to come to me when she is ready. Or something.

Ugh. Really, I probably just need to think about this a lot less. But never in my life has there been anything as important to me as saving my family. I want to say to her:
"If I had known I was destroying my family, I would have done things differently. If I had understood how I was making you feel and pushing you away, I would have done things differently. I have more thoughts about this, and I wish very much that you would ask."

I think what would make a big difference to me is if I can realize and focus in on some sign of progress or find a way to embrace the opportunity I have right now more fully.