Spinning, neglect, loss and the bomb

[ouroboros]

I'd like to recommend (along with DB & DR) that you read John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Thank you for the reply as well as the suggestion, I'll check it out. I've read DR.

I'm wondering why it is that you suspect that going dim, or in your words "aloof and distant" would backfire in your case? Can you elaborate on why you feel that way?

I'm concerned that her dropping the bomb is a reaction to feeling my detachment already from having a severe relapse of depression since Sept. Recently, I've been following the "37 suggestions" as it were, but I see more signs of relief than change.

Also, in doing some of the things that one's not supposed to do, such as delivering her flowers with a specially worded note from early in our M, I kinda got the impression that it challenged her point of view. But really I don't know. Maybe it was just her feeling resentment...