Yesterday i received this email from W. Dearest Lost,
I have wanted to write a letter to you for such a long time. It's been like trying to think in a pool of molasses...the words just wouldn't come out. I have been unable to face the reality of what has happened to us up until now... and I am so sad about it all, I am still struggling for words. I was so frustrated, so alone, so hopeless, so desperate for change... I would have done anything those many months ago to try to stick together... would have even brought another baby into our lives to save us. Desperation causes people to think, say, and do all kinds of things that seem crazy, but when it's out of love for another, everything goes, you know? Somehow, though, the scorn that came about turned me in such an opposite direction, I ran as far and fast away from us as I possibly could. I ran until I was so far, I couldn't see you anymore, couldn't hear you, couldn't think of your face anymore without feeling the urge to run even faster and farther away. But the day came that I stopped,looked around me, and realized I had absolutely no idea where I was or what I was going to do about it. So I sat down. I have sat a long,long time, wondering about things like joy and pain and fulfillment and loss and friendship and hope and dreams and purpose. At last I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be okay, you are going to be okay, and the kids will be okay because we are strong. I tend to be somewhat on the stubborn side from time to time, and I have decided this happened to us for a reason, though the pain makes it hard to accept it as a positive change. I have never hurt so badly in my life, and can imagine in my many nightmares how badly you have hurt. The choices I have made have made it impossible for me to ever go home, and I know it. The loss of home and family and friends has caused wounds so deep, they will never completely heal. I have realized that even though I lost the half of me that was you, the love we have shared is rooted so deep within my bones, it can never really be torn away. How could we end? But the answer is really that we never did, we changed, we are continuing on with our lives, we are growing despite ourselves. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy. I want to be free to make mistakes, or find our answers, or wander down paths we never were brave enough to take before. I will be your friend... I will have your back... I will always be here if you need me, because my dear, you are the best friend I have ever had in my life. Never forget. Always remember. Move forward with hope. Life continues for us all.
Love, W
I spoke with her briefly yest. I told her i got her letter and i really appreciated her sharing her feelings with me. that her feelings are important to me and i know sharing them with me is hard to do. i also complimented her writing skills and told her she should be a writer. other than that we made small pleasant talk about kids etc.
I have received text in the past that r kinda similar. Ive read this 20times, sometimes i see some positives and other times not so much. I found it interesting that she called being w/ me home. We both live now in seperate places from our house that we had to short sale after bomb. any input/ insight is greatly appreciated. thx
