Also know that things could be sooooo much worse -- I don't know if that helps or not. The people on this board who seem to suffer the most are witness to ongoing affairs that last a year or more. During that time, the spouse just wants out, so the LBS are not able to ask ANY questions, or project any anger, or anything else if they want to continue to DB. They just have to smash it down, "act as if", and eventually learn to detach while their spouse continues to go about their business.

In my sitch, my W was non-apologetic. From her perspective, she was going to ask me for a divorce anyway, so having an affair wasn't really a betrayal. Had I expressed anger or tried to shame her, she just would have left.

In addition, it was OM who decided to end the affair. Either he got caught by his W, or had a crisis of conscious and he went "no contact". That left my W hurt, angry, and grieving her lost love. She took a lot of that out on me at the point that I was hurting the most, so I had to deal with my own grief and hers on top.

I think it's a very good sign that your H says he wants to end it and is being conciliatory. Often for people who get on this board, their spouse has almost no feelings left for them, just a very week flame that is easily snuffed out by the slightest missteps.

It does appear that your H does love you -- you had some issues in your marriage and he made a very bad mistake. If you love him and he loves you, that's a great place to start from.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015