Let me explain what I was trying to get at with my last post. I felt that the lady from my past came off as a person that really needed someone to take care of her in life and that made her unattractive. She over pursued me at first and only backed off when I explained my position. After what I thought we both had agreed on, she became upset that I possibly was dating my ex. I did not commit or tell this person that I would date them exclusively I set my position as not ready to date anyone. I may have viewed her in a different light just because where I am at in life. When I think about what I want in a new relationship I want someone that doesn’t need me to take care of them, is not looking for a checkbook, makes their children priority number one and has similar interests as me in life. I am a simple person that knows I can make it on my own and when the time is right, I feel I will get those feelings for someone again. I see things so differently now that I will never settle for someone that is desperate or needy. That makes that person to me look very unattractive. I look at being single in a different light today. I came here to save my marriage and keep my family together. I was not successful in saving my marriage and that was made by someone else’s choice’s in life, not mine. I can’t control anyone and the choices people make might not be the choices that I wanted them to make but they made their choices for them and that’s what they needed at this point in their life. I don’t have to like the choices anyone makes in life, all I need to do is make choices that make me feel good at the end of the day. I know I am not ready to jump in and start dating. I tried the dating thing right after the divorce and I broke a woman’s heart because I just wasn’t ready. All of us on this board know exactly how that feels and I just can’t bring myself to hurt anyone like that by being an uncaring person. You know the only thing I got out of the dating thing was a lesson learned. I learned that a normal person can’t end an 18 year marriage and fix all of your problems running to someone else. I think dating someone new would be wonderful as long as you think everything out and make sure you and that person are on the same page. Time is the only thing that can heal any of us in the situation we have been dealt and I don’t think enough time has gone by for me yet. I am the only one that needs to make that choice for me and when I feel the time is right I will test those waters. Something that has bothered me about the dating thing all along is my daughters. I hate the thought that I am going to hurt them by bringing someone new into the picture. I am probably closer than I have ever been with my kids and I don’t want to bring them anymore hurt. Maybe that is something I need to work out in my head and when I figure out that issue I might have a different prospective on dating.
As far as the choices my ex is making in life, those are the things she will have to live with and it’s really not my problem anymore. I look at it like this my ex is making choices on what she thinks is best for her and we all need to make choices for ourselves and not worry about something we can’t control. We all have a brain and we all need to look inside every now and then and look at the big picture. The choices our ex’s make shouldn’t control us in any way. They all have to fight their own demons.
Hope that makes some sense.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
