I think labug is trying to tell you that you're more than welcome to vent here all you want, in fact it's encouraged. Better to get it out here than elsewhere.
But, also, that you're stuck in the mire. This is consuming you, and understandably so. But you've got to get your head above water in order to be able to see clearly. Take some time and vent and scream and cry, but knowing that you ultimately need to climb out of this on one side or the other. The sooner, the better, for YOU. This is where the GAL aspect of DB really comes into play.
Also, Accuray gave you some really good suggestions on a healthy perspective of an A. I don't think anyone ever really plans it. Few people go into M thinking, "I'm 100% devoted, at least until things get stale, and then I'll just have an A to spice things up." They happen. They develop over time, usually unintentionally. I like to relate it to those extra pounds we put on when we aren't paying attention and just living life. One day we step on the scale and are shocked, wondering "How'd that happen!!" I'm not trying to minimize the sitch or your pain. A's are serious business no matter how it happens. Now, you just need to decide if it's a dealbreaker for you.
One word of advice ... just make sure that you don't make your decision rashly, driven by your current emotions. Otherwise, a year or two down the line, you're liable to be in the same boat as your H thinking, "What did I do??!!! This is not what I wanted!"
