Divorce....with a side of crazy...

[imthemom]

Al Anon has taught me alot about "turning it over" and I work on that every day. It has surprised me how hard that is to do, for someone like me, who has control issues..LOL! but I want to so badly it keeps me working on it. We have a "god box" at the meetings that you can write things down on a piece of paper and put in the box to turn them over to god..and I use it weekly!!

The situation with S21 has been a huge sorce of learning for me. I have always been so focused on him and what his needs were that I lost myself in that and became "his mom"... That was my sole identity. His D has always been involved with him but left all his medcial problems to me, and there are many. He has a hard time admitting that he has difficulties and preferse to ignore them. so when S21 had surgeries (6 so far) and therapy he left it to me and STBX to handle and STBX was always there. S21 has been majorly involved with Special Olympics and STBX was a coach as was I...his D did not attend any functions as he hated that s21 was doing sports with "those people"...so you can see what his attitude was about it.
At this time s21 is staying with his D, as hes gotten older he wasnted that and I felt like he has so little control of anything else in his life that I should let him make that decision so he goes back and forth between us for the last 2 years...He has the cognative level of about a 11-12 year old and doesnt really have the ability to attach at a level that we do, so he will one day decide he wants to come home and he will, then he will decide he wants to hang with the guys and go back to his D (who is single) and hang out at the "bachelor pad" with his D for a while..:) It makes him feel grown up...He is conserved under both of us and we both have his best interest at heart and try to work with that. He will never be able to live on his own or work enough to support himself but he does work a few hours a week threw his program and is taking some spec. ed. coursed at the local college.

I have always held out hope that like you said, when the dust settles that the relationships can be restored with all the boys. My s28 is the only one who knows that whole story and he is pretty mad at my STBX...They have also not spoken since this all started last summer, He is disapointed in the way that STBX has bailed on his son and that he has had to step up for him.

Ive told S15 that things are tense now but I know that someday things will be well enough that we will all be able to sit at the same table and have dinner together again as a family...what ever a family looks like for us at that point. S15 has said he misses that the most, when we would all sit together for dinner and just talk and we would laugh so hard the whole time...that was happening right up until STBX met the ow, and then he suddenly stopped comeing around...and then it all fell apart...

Im trying to keep some type of peace even though there are Ls involved and lots of tension...but its hard to speak to him like nothing is going on and have all the back biteing going on with the Ls...it just seems like we are enemies right now but I dont want s15 to see that so I "act as if" when he picks him up and drops him off...S15 spent the night at his Ds saturday night and come home yesterday, He actually was mad walking around the house counting the pics I have of him and his brothers and said his D has more pics of him up then I do and he was upset about that...I know he is just acting out but I never know what to say to him when he gets like that. It seems like it always happens when he comes home from his Ds and I cant figure out what hes angry about...well, I guess its obviouse but Im just never sure what to say...I get tired of being the one who gets beat up when he is angry but I guess thats my position right now..punching bag..:)

If it helps him Im happy to be it...I just have to work on not taking it personally.