I accept that my comments might have been a little vague...
My boundary is NO open M... and I accept that it is SM's boundary as well... if it is... I sounds like it is...
I'm just saying that how he enforces that boundary... it could appear that the changes weren't for real, to his W...
I don't know how else to express it with words...
aside to say... if SM is changing his behaviour for himself, regardless of whether the M is saved... and those changes are to not attempt to control or manipulate his W...
then his actions in regards to enforcing his boundaries would be expressed that way... rather than...
"W, because you are back with OM, I refuse to talk to you any more..."
and instead be in the frame of something like...
"W, I need to step back from our situation for a while and consider what I want..."
Maybe that makes better sense regarding the how?
But in the end, if he wanted to tell his W to get the duck out... I would certainly support and accept his decision to do so...
This makes sense. It is the difference between an "ultimatum" (other-focused) and a "boundary" (self-focused).
An ULTIMATUM is "You must stop seeing OM, and come back to the marriage!" A BOUNDARY is "You are a grown woman, and can do what you want to do; please understand, however, that I cannot live in an open marriage."
