Hey BDB, Denver is bang on the money for some stuff but you have to also go with your instincts. Every day is a trial, I was in the same house with my H, though in seperate bedrooms. I found I got obsessed with the minutiae. The ONLY thing that helped was GAL.
I believe that what Denver says about the holiday is true, explain calmly & rationally why you accept that she isn't going but that you believe it is imperative you go with the children. I don't want to offend you but if you truly look into your heart & examine your reasons for not wanting to go without her, it is probably partly to do with the kids but also your own feelings about that situation. The "right" & "wrong" of such a situation shouldn't be an issue.
I am talking from experience here. This will be a painful but very clear way to show your W you are disenaging. As Denver says as long as you do it lovingly it is a powerful way to demonstrate that you have voice, & you can make choices about your life. Also, when I started to go out to see my friends until 01:00am without explanation, even though my H was having a PA it did get his attention.
Finally as a woman, at least in my experience of me & my friends, we sit up & notice when men challenge us a little. I'm not saying you should start acting like a total d**k but if you give her the impression she's in charge, however subtle, she won't thank you for it.
