The downside of things is that her sister left her husband a couple of years ago and is now newly married and our neighbours that we hang with at times have just split up a month ago and they've been married a similar length of time. I read somewhere here the theory that people see those around them splitting and they are more likely to critically analyze their own marriage as well and decide it is better to get out.
Mindreading. You'll drive yourself crazy with this, and most of the time it won't be accurate anyway. She could just as likely see someone like that and say "That's a shame; they didn't even work at it. If I ever leave Q1 for good, it won't be without working at it more first." You never know what a wayward or a walk-away is thinking, and it's usually very different from the way they USED to think.
A couple of weeks later she emailed and asked why we couldn't buy each other out of the house. I said because I didn't think either of us could afford it, not that we couldn't. Her response was that the bank said that she could afford it. My reply was I didn't want to do anything by an emotional decision and that she could stay here, with me contributing for the interim a smaller component of house expenses since I'd have other costs for my own place and left it at that. Maybe that was avoidance but I also didn't want to agree to something I'd regret later. She has fully explored the means of buying me out though as to how the process would work but I think that is it.
OK, I'm a bit confused here. If she can (if she wanted to and chose to) afford the house all by herself, then why are you paying for BOTH a rental for you, AND a share of the house expenses that you'll no longer be living in??
We used to talk a lot about "BGPs" around here: Big-Girl Panties. (and it was a former walkaway wife that brought the term here). The idea is that if your wife has it in her head that she wants to flee the marriage, then you have to let her put on her BGPs and feel the full weight of the consequences of her decision.
You may not be able to stop her from fleeing, but you certainly don't have to -- and shouldn't -- finance the flight.
Staying in your own home was "The Right Thing To Do," irrespective of how your wife reacts to it. Is it too late to change your mind, because of the rental contract?
I thought you had already moved out. If not I would do everything in my power to stay in the house. Starsky is giving you GREAT advice.
Let her move out if at all possible.
Might cause a bit of MONSTER but you should NOT move out unless you are ordered by a judge.
Every divorce book I have read says that this is a MAJOR mistake to leave your HOME.
Staying in your own home was "The Right Thing To Do," irrespective of how your wife reacts to it. Is it too late to change your mind, because of the rental contract?
I thought you had already moved out. If not I would do everything in my power to stay in the house. Starsky is giving you GREAT advice.
Let her move out if at all possible.
Might cause a bit of MONSTER but you should NOT move out unless you are ordered by a judge.
Every divorce book I have read says that this is a MAJOR mistake to leave your HOME.
If you think about it, Cadet, it's one of probably only two or three concepts on the entire forum that's practically UNANIMOUS in terms of what people advise.
There is nothing wrong with saying "Yeah, I thought about that, and I've changed my mind. I decided that I'm really most comfortable in my own home, and I'll be staying here."
Next weekend move out will probably be difficult. Possibly a mistake moving out but I'm not certain as it will take some time to figure out what she wants.All I can do right now is me.
Ok I can see how that reads that way. I did mean I can only work on me and she will need to figure herself out and if this is truly what she really wants. I didn't mean I needed to figure out what she wants. That would be nice of course in thinking about it now but it isn't my issue at the moment. It is hers.
All I can do is work on being the best me and getting back to being who I am. I really don't know who that is and I need to figure that one out on my own regardless if there ever is going to be an us again or not.
There is a bunch more posted that I should respond to but it is late, it has been a busy weekend and tomorrow is going to be a long day. If I can, I may try to add during the day tomorrow from my phone but typing on it is a royal pain.
Q1
M: 48 W:49 M:16 T:19 No kids Distancing last 18 months I have no feelings for you (we should separate): Feb 24/12 Me voluntarily moving out: Apr 1/12 (Fool's Day!)
