I understand Starsky's point about the STDs...and the testing.
I could be wrong, but I don't think it's necessary in your situation.
It's YOUR LIFE and I don't want to advise you to be dangerous, but for ME if I were in your shoes
I'd find it depressing but I don't know your h.
I'm sorry, 25, but this is possibly the most grossly irresponsible thing I've read on here in a long time. When it comes to being medically safe, when a spouse has had an active affair, whether or not it's "depressing" is really no concern to me, nor should it be to anyone. If Bestgal has any doubts about this, she should ask her OB/GYN, and follow their advice. I'm really not advising anything that a good doctor wouldn't also recommend.
oh Starsky, I KNEW that would get to you! And I did qualify it. Also said I was speaking for myself. And my other point (which you didn't really focus on b/c you were so riled up and all)
was that the testing demand from SOME of the LBSers is destructively presented. It matters A LOT how she says this.
And I admit up front, I could be wrong. I just think the "demanding" nature of it sounds off putting and punitive and not reconciliatory.
It's intensely personal and it is a delicate matter not to be said in such a black and white way, IMO.
At the time (maybe it's changed now) all she had an admission of making out. She has no proof of actual intercourse, and both parties deny it, or are we skipping over that? So when you advise her to demand that he & she get tested, it's also saying flat out he's lying to her. I didn't say I believe him, but I do think it makes it a tad harder to demand than if there was an open affair wherein everyone knew it was a done deal.
Isn't this OW living with another man? Your response will be "but OW cheated/made out so how 'monogamous' can she be?" I get that.
But are you lumping hookers in with every OW? I'm sincerely asking.
anyhow... as gabbysmom says, an STD is pretty damn depressing too. Point taken.
Besgal, I want to caution you in that you're trusting that your husband is telling you the truth right now. HE HAS ALREADY LIED TO YOU, and when people get caught up in affairs, they LIE -- period.
Now is no time to operate based on your FEELINGS. Do what your HEAD tells you is the right thing to do, and do some research about infidelity. You are projecting onto your husband your own values, and he's simply not in the same place right now.
I don't know how much plainer I can say it.
Starsky
Oh, 25, I knew that would elicit a 1,000-word rant from you.
I find much of DBing to be very complex. This isn't one of those things. It's for her medical health, and how it's presented is of secondary importance. This is not something where one should let their emotions rule the day.
