W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P2

[mindfull]

Snowman...

I'm not saying you don't have anything to work on, but...

Ok, well the conversation was had. She wanted to meet at a park so our S could play but that ended up just being a distraction most of the time as he was dragging us both to go down the slide or play soccer with him.

W: She said that she thinks that she wants to go ahead with the papers as is.
Me: I said ok and ask why she said that part of her wants to work on it and why.
W: She said that she doesn't want to work on it for the wrong reasons like finances or missing my family.
Me: I said I agree you should not do it for those reasons.
W: I know we have been good friends lately but I just don't know if there is anymore than that.
Me: I agree we have been good friends of lately. Would you like to explore that at all?
W: I'm not sure, I just don't think I want to put myself in that situation.
The conversation is very broken up as we are trying to play with my S and have this conversation.
Me: Well I know and have learned that I have been controlling and emotionally neglectful. What exactly don't you want to get back into or could you explain that to me (I can't remember the exact words I said but something like that).
W: Exactly that. I don't want to be in that situation of control again.
Me: I have learned a lot about my control problem and agree that I did control many things in our marriage like finances and time.
(I said other examples of this)
W: Thats why I hid purchases from you.
Me: I understand that.
W: You never showed appreciation for my cooking and always complained about me buying things to cook.
Me: I agree I didn't show the amount of appreciation I should have. I really do like your cooking. This stems back to the control issue of money as well. (I will say that we were trying to save money to move and have her be a stay home W during this time. I didn't say that of course).
W: I love cooking and enjoy doing it for people. You just never seemed to appreciate it.
Me: I apologize and should have showed my appreciation.
W: I never felt support in running either. In face I had a buddy at work come to one of my races which I know is creepy and I never told you that but I wish you would have showed up to it.
Me: I know I should have supported you more in running. I will say that when the races were early it makes it hard make with our son.
W: I know that but you could of made it to the race that was the multi-leg race.
Me: True I should have.
W: I know people think that I just want to hang out with my friends and party but that is not true and I only hang out with them once a month.
Me: I don't think that and really don't know what you do.
W: Since I have moved into my place by myself it has been lonely at time but I have been happy not being told what to do or worry about that.
Me: I can understand that and I have been happy as well. I know I have a control issue and have discussed with my counselor as well as my sister (my BIL and sister had a separation that they worked through, control issue on my sisters part and issues on my BIL part) about my control issue. I know telling you this is just words of me saying I have recognized my control issue but I can only tell that I have for now and this was going to be part of my letter to you. I would like to try and show you but that is up to you. I know my family has a control issue and I don't want to be like that. It bothers me when I see it. This is how BIL and sister had to deal with in their marriage issues (we know quite a bit about their issues they had).
W: I know your other sister's husband is able to deal with it and is ok but that is not me and I don't like it.
Me: I agree, I don't like it either and it bothers me as well. I don't want to be like that and my recent vacation with them showed me how it was again and it bothers me.
At this point our S is getting very fussy because it is his nap time and so she says that she will bring drive back to the house to finish the conversation after we put him down for a nap. we eventually get him down and continue our conversation.
Me: I know that I have had a control issue that I think is the steam of my problems that I have had in our relationship. I can only say that I know that and have learned that through this experience. I know I can only say this to you as I unable to show you but I am aware of my problem. I wanted to share this with you for sometime but have been unable to. I think this is a product of my environment growing up as I did live in a controlling environment and I see how it has affected my siblings. I don't want to be that person not matter how this turns out.
W: [/color]I know I have my communication issues as well and other things to work on as well.[color:#3333FF]
Me: I think both of us are have these issues from our raising.
W: I agree completely.
Me: I would like to be give this a try to show you which I know may sound superficial. I don't want to control you or pressure you. This is your decision as it is mine. I'm not sure what the first step would be if we did work on this but I would like us to make a decision and take the first step if you decide. I appreciate you talking to me and setting this up.
W: I appreciate you talking as well. I will think about what we have talked about and let you know.

We talked about some logistics for the week with our S and then she left. This is not all the exact words and things from the conversation but the bulk of it. I posted honestly what was said. Please give your feedback, the good and the bad. I will try to take it in stride .

Note how many things/amount of time spent talking about what you did wrong. (In black)
Note how many things/amount of time spent talking about what she did wrong. (In blue)

I believe in being forgiving, IF your forgiving someone forgivable.

I still don't see any remorse for straying from your marriage. She's just bent on explaining her reasons for not sticking around to fix it vs. looking elsewhere for her quick fix.

I feel your pain in trying.