Or at least trade some indecision for some resolve.
you are in transition so the "certainty" you seek is an illusion.
Your feelings will change often. So will your w's.
Get a DB coach.
IMO your discussion w/your d was really inappropriate. Next time ask a DB coach or mc before you blurt out such destructive information.
You made your w the bad guy, which is uncool. Although in your mind she is the bad guy,
you are being unfair and acting like you have amnesia. You believe the marriage was fine and you were a great h and for some selfish inexplicable reason your w chose to cheat?
She never did before and she is not normally a liar but all this is on her?
The other reason you were not right to do it is thinking ahead...your d is either a fan or your w or a soon to be rebellious child.
You think your d won't ask her mom what is going on?
She will!! Maybe She will lash out at her mom...or ask questions about what SHE did wrong in the marriage....b/c after all "daddy said he did not want the divorce"... and THEN YOUR wife will bring up your porn problems, and other issues...
how will your d see you then?
No one said you have to LIE for your w about OM, but you almost sounded proud for not telling your d...
so let me be clear about this
if you do tell her or anyone else like your d, you will regret it.
It will hurt YOU far more than it will hurt your w.
I hope you can figure out why that is the case. I am familiar with Gucci's threads. He has helped men who were doormats before but that's not you.
But you seem to think your w's affair happened in a vacuum while she was in a fulfilling happy m.
Not so. Don't get amnesia now, when you really need to show your w that you have dug deep and are a new changed man. YOu have the gift of time to show her this and you'll get some breaks from having her in your face 24/7...
use this time wisely. Lovingly and with dignity and strength and honor.
Back to the kids....
The standard focus is to make sure the children know what will NOT change IN THEIR LIVES...stress what remains the same for them.
Same house, no moving, same friends, same school, same neighborhood, etc. How often they'll see each of you. Give details and predictability.
Also - My DB coach told me to say this when asked about a poss divorce.
First off, unless you are actually about to file, do not say it is for sure happening.
It's okay to say "I don't know yet"...b/c things change all the time. Even after filing.
If they ask "are you getting a divorce?"
you may Answer 1) "I don't know yet, but I hope not, b/c w is the love of my life...
2) "Hope not b/c I have loved spouse for such a long time..."
3) "hope not. But no matter what, I'm so glad we did marry
b/c we have YOU and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if that's the only way to get a special child like YOU... you end each answer with a reassuring comment to the child about how loved they are.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
