W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P2

[25yearsmlc]

any chance you could get her to go to Retrovaille?

Maybe say it'll help co-parent, and don't make it about pressuring her to work on the marriage.

Getting her there is what counts. The marriage WILL be helped, no matter why she goes.

Otherwise, you sounded vague in some ways (like not having a real plan for improving the marriage, w/ nothing specifically different or new about how things would improve.

With no examples of a new behavior even discussed or given, it makes it harder for her to envision it being better. Know what I mean?)

But hey, you did validate and concede things that need to be worked on. You must have done it enough for her to feel comfortable saying SHE has to work on communications. That's good.

So you sent the message or planted a seed in her head that you are working on being less controlling. (You did not send a letter at all, correct?)

So make sure you Don't undermine the message you sent her about what you are working on in yourself.

And see if there's anyway you can get to Retrovaille. Are you familiar with it? It's a weekend marriage retreat for marriages in crisis. There are "host" couples there who tell their stories and regardless of your problems, THEIR stories will make your marriage problems pale in comparison...at least that's how it felt to us.

We saw stable solid couples talking about their marriages in positive ways - but they had been through hell and back. Some had lost children to drugs or car accidents or even murder, OR had out of wedlock babies, declared bankruptcy, or all of the above.

But there they were at Retrovaille, together, helping US work on our marriages.

I've seen it work miracles on marriages that expected to end soon...and are still alive.

After 2 years, over 80% of attendees are still married. Considering how troubled their marriages were when they went, that is saying a lot.

hang in there...