Crimson, when you say give up, what does that mean? Would you be acting any different ? Because you are not playing a game just to get your wife back. You made changes for the better for you, right? So giving up would consist of what? I
I am telling you, you would feel a little relief discussing your feelings with your wife. Communicate with her. Stop letting the fear paralyze you. You can't reconcile like this I'll tell you that much.
And you have to stop taking every decision she makes not to be with you personally. The woman probably really did have things to do and a coffee date with her friend. Why are you making it about you again? I'm not saying this to be snarky, but your wife's life and feelings do not soley revolve around you. You have to remember that for your own good.
what she said^^^
fwiw, I would NOT invite her to anything for awhile. Let HER do all of that.
your course of action remains the same, other than dating OWs I guess. What would "giving up" look like, otherwise?
is it an internal thing? The desire to feel in control? That's intriguing b/c you once said you were "needlessly controlling" (or controlling past the point of it being rational) in the past. So it was an issue for you.
FWIW-my h is getting deployed this summer. PROBABLY going to Kuwait but maybe to Afghanistan. We don't know yet.
The departure date has changed twice, but it is PROBABLY going to be right around our wedding anniversary this summer. We don't know how long he'll be gone! At least several months, "Subject to change without notice."
Our youngest d is in high school so he'll probably miss a year of that. If Iran does something crazy over there, who knows how long he'll be gone? (I can't even entertain concepts about danger either. But the hospital he'll likely be in, is the one that got bombed before. So i don't go there).
All I know for sure is, His pay will be cut in half so our finances will be shot.
Crimson, I say all this b/c when we were both active duty, we learned to embrace the ambiguity of life, or at least to accept it.
I just cannot obsess about things I have no control over. Same for you.
The single great thing about really truly "getting" that^^ concept, is that it taught me to live in the present. It's freeing. You only have today's plate of work, you don't borrow from tomorrow's or next month's, etc.
Enjoying the "now" is life enhancing and it's contagious. And what a great thing to teach your beautiful son! (and to let your wife see)...
See if the book "The Power of Now" helps you at all. I found the audio version weirdly soothing and somehow more clear. But it would help you & I recommend you get it.
Be here now.
(((( ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
