Kimmerz~ It's always good to hear from you! I have been on the Hero's Spouse website, and I agree, I don't know how that woman stood for her marriage, but good for her! Reading stuff like that makes me say to myself, stop complaining you don't have it that bad.
greatwhitenorth~Thank you for taking time to post, I appreciate everything people share with me. I believe I am slowing coming to terms with reality as it is now and letting go of how unfair it all is. My MIL is a negative, judgmental person, and his siblings don't have a clue, his family is all about them and making themselves happy. It saddens me to think this is his only support system (well aside from me, but he's too busy making me the enemy), but there is nothing I can do about that.
This has been a rough week for me, a lot of thinking about how I deserve to be treated better and I have and am being taken for granted, and well, have been thinking about H- geez life isn't that bad, there is always someone with it worse so get over your crisis already.
So after church today I took it upon myself to mow the lawn.... 0.50 acre doesn't seem that big until you have to mow a very sloped back yard lol. I was proud of myself I finished the entire yard. H was only God knows where and came home when I was half finished with the back yard and of course didn't say a word or offer me a glass of water or heaven forbid offer to mow the rest... it saddened me and I almost started crying while mowing the yard! Then when I came in I went into the kitchen to get some water, H comes in and instead of saying anything about the yard he says to me, "um, I just wanted to let you know if you are going to open the windows downstairs to turn off the dehumidifier. It's just wasting electricity." I stood there and looked at him a few seconds... then I said, "ok, thank you for letting me know." On the up side I didn't say I'm sorry, I have a bad habit of doing that, my counselor told me I need to work on not apologizing for things I don't need to say I'm sorry for. But anyway, really, that's what he had to say to me....
But then I didn't cry, I thought to myself, no Heather, there is no need for that you are doing the best you can, and you have no control over what he does or doesn't do, you should be proud of yourself for mowing all of this very sloped yard by yourself! Don't waste another minute having a self pity party. God has a plan and it is a perfect plan, even if you don't agree with it right now or like it. You will not think negative things about your H because that is not productive. You will continue to be you, the kind, compassionate, patient person you have always been, and are becoming again (it was interrupted with a bout of depression, which I didn't know I was in due to fertility issues until I sought counseling for this H issue, blessing in disguise maybe? I really wasn't liking the person I had been becoming in depression ). Then I started thinking about all the things that have been making me happy recently. When I was done mowing the yard I wrote my list down and thought I would share it. Who knows, maybe it will help someone see the joys in their life even though they are going through this type of difficult time and pain as well.
What Has Been Making Me Happy Recently -God: My faith in Him has been strengthened and it's through Him alone I am making it through ths.
-warm days
-a good workout
-positive people in my life
-the hug of a 17 month old at work who recently learned to say my name (which Heather is not the easiest name for a child to conquer)
-cooking out on the grill
-flowers blooming
-music, always a nice escape (might I suggest listening to Fall Apart by Josh Wilson, it's excellent!)
-road trips and adventure days
-attempting to start a garden
-the sounds of the horses hooves from the passing horse and buggies
-church bells
-watching a good movie
-the drive in soon opening!!!
-the satisfaction of a job well done, even if no one else cares or notices
