"IF"

[gunny]

Hello everyone, havent posted in a while, sort of in that netherworld between sep/div. I generally receive at least one email a week from w, generally about business stuff, i.e. sale of house, taxes, etc. I recently finished moving into a one bedroom bungalow and had to sort through all the personal items we had accumulated over the last 14 years together, since when she moved out of state she took only the bare essentials. It was left to me to deal with the furniture, landlord, etc.

I am passed that phase now, she emailed me last week to thank me for meeting with our accountant to work out the taxes. Gathering the info for the taxes was both emotional and time consuming. She said she realizes I have been left with her leftovers to clean up and she is appreciative.

At the end of her last email, she basically said I know you have been busy with things, but that she really feels it is time for us to move forward on the D. I fully expected this to come, and was not too shocked.

We are not using lawyers or mediators, and will be filing on our own. She is asking me to file, since for her to file in her state would require both of us to appear in court, and she will not be able to file in NJ because she has to have been a resident for 12 consecutive months.

I am probably going to reluctantly agree to file here, even though I did not want the d, only to enable both of us to get on with our lives. I dont see any prospect for a reconciliation, she seems hellbent on getting the D. I have pretty much accepted this.

It strange, after she sent me the email, the next day she sent me a great picture of our dog sitting in the grass looking very kingly.Its almost as if she felt bad about our last exchange and was trying to change the subject.

Got a call from my SIL (bros wife) who is close to my w, she said my w has a new photo up on facebook, she is sitting on a motorcycle with a leather jacket on and a helmet. She is by herself. I have never known my w to ride a bike, but then, she has been doing some very uncharacteristic things over the last 9 mos. It is almost as if she is rebelling against who she was for the last 12 years of our m. She told me more than once that she feels like she lost herself in our m. I find myself constanly asking myself now, "who was my wife really? anyone else have this experience during and after the D? Could my w have supressed who she really was for 14 years? Seems like it would be impossible to me, any thoughts folks?

Hope you all are doing okay, really could use some insights from the pros on here, thanks all